Wallflower

Because he’s mine and I’m his. 

I really am crazy happy.

Anonymous asked: You sound like a really really really interesting person you know. I hope you're okay :)

Aw, thank you sweetpea. :)

Let Me Be

I wish everyone would stop talking about my grandpa not making it. I know they’re trying to make sure I understand what’s going on and make sure I have a realistic view of everything…but honestly, the positive outlook is the way I need to look at things. I need to look at the idea that he has a chance with this surgery and that even against all odds he could pull through cancer free.

Because honestly, I want him to. Otherwise, I can’t be his favorite yellow wearing granddaughter anymore. So let me be, stop telling me he won’t make it, let me hope and pray that he really will, and let me be there for my grandma. Because if you keep this talk up, I won’t see a point in sitting with her when he goes for surgery. I won’t see the point in being the support that holds her together. 

I will be the one that just backs out. Like always.

Sunshine Can’t Reach In Here

I hate being off my meds. I really do. My mood is always all over the place when I am, I feel unstable and I feel like a crazy person.

My mom thinks I only need the Anti-depressants to help with stress. I need them for more than that…but I don’t want to tell her that. I don’t want to let her in on that part because then she’s going to want to talk about it, then she’s going to realize she’s a part of why. Everyone I’m around is. 

I’ve got a lot to do for the next few days, I’ve got a lot to deal with. I’m not sure how well I’ll do that…but I guess I’ll have to learn. 

But right now I feel like I could lay in my bed all day. Not move, not care. 

I’ve been all over the place in the past year. I mean, there was a guy. He gave me attention. I had no idea who he was and I was instantly head over heels for him. I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have been crazy! But I guess we all have to make our own mistakes. I just wish mine wasn’t that big. 

But now I’m happy, like truly happy. My family likes Joey, his family likes me. I spend a lot of time with him and we get along amazingly. I’m still scared to death of getting hurt again, but stuff happens. 

Only time will tell.

I’m scared…all about my grandpa. I don’t really want to talk about it on here…I only want to talk to Joey about it…but I’m not sure how.

Joey. His name is Joey.

Tonight was…fantastic. We went out to dinner and conversation came easy. We sat there for a while, relaxed, didn’t rush to the movie. 

The we headed for the movie. Sat there…even with a kid playing kangaroo jack with my chair…it was fantastic. I mean. After forever of chanting “hold my hand’ in my head, he finally reached for my hand. My heart SOARED. 

Then after the movie we headed to the cars, parked right beside each other and we stood there for awhile…talked…then I told him to get in my car so he didn’t freeze. We sat there and joked around. I mean, it was just…perfect. There was no other way to describe it.